A Discovery That Changed the World
In the annals of scientific history, few discoveries have been as game-changing—or as deeply unsettling—as what Bob Regot and his team of hyper-intelligent scientists uncovered in 2020. What began as an innocent experiment—placing two fecal specimens from the same bowel movement together in a controlled setting—led to an eerie realization. The poop did nothing.
But when Bob’s team combined fecal specimens from separate bowel movements by the same individual, something bizarre happened: tiny ripples formed in the toilet water, seemingly out of nowhere. As the team expanded the experiment, placing poop from two entirely different individuals together in the same toilet, the ripples intensified. Further research revealed a stunning breakthrough: the poop was communicating.
What Bob Regot had unknowingly stumbled upon was a hidden biological frequency embedded in human waste—a form of quantum entanglement between excrement that allowed for the instantaneous exchange of information. This wasn’t just a scientific breakthrough; this was the birth of a new frontier in connectivity.
Dubbed Defecation Entanglement Theory (DET), this discovery laid the foundation for what would eventually become the Shitternet—a revolutionary new form of data transmission that would disrupt the telecommunications industry, render traditional Wi-Fi obsolete, and permanently alter the global power structure.
Fast-forward to 2025, and Bob Regot—once dismissed as a deranged entrepreneur—now sits at the heart of the most secretive, high-level discussions in the Trump administration.
Trump, Elon, and the Dawn of Poop Connectivity
In February 2025, President Donald Trump summoned Bob Regot to the Oval Office for a closed-door meeting with Elon Musk and several high-ranking government officials. The topic? The integration of Shitternet technology into every aspect of American infrastructure.
Leaked documents suggest that Trump was first made aware of Bob’s work in late 2023, after clandestine government experiments confirmed that poop-based connectivity was not only real but vastly superior to traditional internet speeds. Unlike fiber-optic cables or satellite-based networks, the Shitternet required no expensive infrastructure—just access to human waste. In a country producing nearly 4 million tons of fecal matter annually, this was an untapped resource of incomprehensible potential.
According to sources close to the administration, Elon Musk had already been in talks with BAE Inc. about incorporating Shitternet nodes into the Tesla Starlink satellite network. The idea was simple: with enough toilets across the world acting as decentralized transmission hubs, data transfer could become instantaneous, wireless, and completely independent of existing global internet providers.
The meeting resulted in Project Brown Dawn, a classified initiative to convert U.S. sewage systems into a national communications grid, making America the first nation in the world to fully embrace biological-frequency internet. Reports indicate that Trump personally pushed for the immediate implementation of Shitternet technology, claiming that it could give America a military advantage over China and Russia.
“This is the future of American greatness,” Trump reportedly said during the meeting. “Imagine a country where your own poop makes you connected. No reliance on China. No reliance on anybody. Just pure American defecation powering the greatest nation on Earth.”
Project Brown Dawn and the Global Race for Poop Supremacy
With the full backing of the Trump administration, BAE Inc. was granted an emergency contract to develop and deploy Shitternet-enabled infrastructure across key government sectors. The Department of Defense, recognizing the military applications of Defecation Entanglement Theory, immediately began retrofitting secure locations with Shitternet nodes, effectively transforming military latrines into classified data hubs. This move, hailed as a quantum leap in battlefield communication, would allow soldiers in forward operating bases to send and receive encrypted messages simply by defecating into designated toilets.
Meanwhile, the Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE), under Trump’s direct supervision, began the nationwide rollout of Poop Points—public restrooms equipped with Shitternet receptors, allowing civilians to seamlessly connect to the biological frequency network. Critics raised concerns over privacy, fearing that “Big Brown” surveillance could be used to monitor citizens’ biological patterns, but Trump dismissed these claims as “fake news.”
“The government doesn’t care about your poop,” Trump declared at a rally in Texas. “We care about America’s poop. And America’s poop is the strongest in the world.”
However, the rapid advancement of Shitternet technology had consequences far beyond America’s borders. Within weeks of Project Brown Dawn, reports surfaced that China had been experimenting with its own form of fecal-based communication, dubbed Project Golden Dragon. Satellite imagery revealed strange ripples forming in wastewater treatment plants across Beijing, leading intelligence officials to believe that China was attempting to replicate Bob Regot’s discovery.
In response, Trump issued Executive Order 6969, mandating that all U.S. toilets be upgraded with Shitternet compatibility by the end of 2025, effectively outlawing traditional Wi-Fi in federal buildings. At the same time, he announced a new round of tariffs targeting foreign toilet manufacturers, accusing them of attempting to “steal American poop-tech.”
The Poop Wars Begin
As tensions escalated, Russia entered the fray, announcing its own biological frequency initiative known as Project Tsar Bowel. Vladimir Putin, in a rare public statement, accused the U.S. of weaponizing human waste and vowed that Russia would develop the world’s most “efficient and patriotic” poop-based network. Soon after, cyberwarfare units within the Kremlin-backed PoopNet Division launched a full-scale hacking campaign against U.S. Shitternet facilities, attempting to disrupt the delicate entanglement frequencies that powered America’s new communications grid.
Elon Musk, now fully committed to Shitternet supremacy, responded by integrating ShitFi technology into the Tesla Neuralink program, allowing individuals to mentally interface with Shitternet frequencies through enhanced bowel contractions. BAE Inc., working alongside Musk’s engineers, developed the BrownLink Chip, a revolutionary device that allowed users to stream information directly from their digestive tracts to any smart device.
By March 2025, the global Poop Wars had reached a boiling point. Reports emerged that a renegade faction of Waraq, the infamous Rhode Island rap group-turned-paramilitary organization, had infiltrated a major Shitternet facility in New York, attempting to reroute frequencies in a bid to establish an independent poop-based darknet. This event, dubbed The Battle of Brownsville, resulted in a nationwide toilet lockdown, forcing millions of Americans to temporarily revert to pre-Defecation Entanglement communication methods.
As international chaos loomed, Bob Regot found himself at the center of the storm. Now hailed as the father of poop-based connectivity, he was summoned back to the White House for an emergency strategy session, where Trump, Musk, and top military officials debated the next phase of Project Brown Dawn.
What happened behind those closed doors remains classified. But one thing is clear: the future of global communication now rests in the hands of Bob Regot, and the power of human excrement.
